My inner dialogue today

The following is a transcription of my inner dialogue.

What? Oh. Hello, there, Unnecessary Paranoia. How are you? Yes, yes, all that about everyone out to get me, yes, I understand. Me? I was doing quite fine until you showed up, actually getting quite a bit of packing done. What are you here about again? Oh right, the unanswered text message. I'm sure everything's fine, he probably saw it too late to respond... No, I'm pretty sure he's not cheating on me... uh huh, uh huh, yeah I really don't want to deal with this nonsense, I don't believe any of it. Oh, you saw a cryptic Facebook post? I mean, really, a Facebook post is your evidence, it could mean absolutely anything. What the... you think he's in jail?! How the hell did you infer that? Have you been talking to Imagination again?

*The sound of screaming breaks through the air.*

Oh crap, there goes Uncontrollable Panic. You see what you've done? Yeah, now I have to go calm her down... oh, please, it's not my fault she's run rampant these past few weeks, that's external circumstances that have got her on edge. Control it? She's called "Uncontrollable Panic" for a reason. Dammit, how the hell am I going to calm her down? Yeah, I suppose I could text him. But it needs to be cool, calm, collected. No, I don't know where Relaxed is, I haven't seen her in months. Yeah, you're right, she probably did run off with Ability To Sleep, the skank. Ugh, I really need to get you guys all sorted out one of these days, you emotions really like to run amok, don't you?

Have I texted him yet? No, I haven't, take a chill pill... oh jeez, you're not going to leave me alone until I do, are you? Oh, you're not going to leave until he texts me back. You're a real bastard, Paranoia, you know that? Yeah, thanks for all this. Concentration On Work is going to be real pissed at you - yes, of course he still exists! Hey, that procrastination was all Romance's fault and you know it!

Stupid emotions. All up in my business.