The plant deserved it.

It would appear as if last night was another one of those nights that has a need to be memorialized in blog post form.

First for the fact that I was actually invited to a party. Not a friend-of-a-friend type thing - someone directly invited me to a party. Yeah, I'm moving up in the world.

It was a highlighter party (the premise, for those who may not be aware, is that you draw on stuff with highlighters under blacklights), which was pretty awesome because I hate direct light and I pretty much wandered around in a white t-shirt, jeans, and Chucks - low maintenance FTW!

But, while being pretty cool, that's not what made the night awesomely memorable. It begins, as do a lot of random events in my life, with a text message.

Namely, "We are thinking of setting a house plant on fire. You want us to wait for you guys?"

I was taken a little aback by the statement, as I had merely texted to say that we'd be taking a later bus. I said that I didn't care, as we'd be arriving a little late.

So we arrive on said late bus (we being myself and the most venerable Miss Scarlett, who appears to be my partner in crime of late), and we began to make ourselves comfortable amidst the music and theme lighting. I eventually made my way over to the host that I knew and, after a few minutes of conversation, asked him what was up with this whole plant thing.

"THE PLANT!" he yelled, very excited. "Do you guys want to watch it burn?"

"YES!" Scarlett exclaimed ferociously, surprising me, considering she was the sober buddy of the night.

"I'll be back," he said, weaving through a crowd of people and disappearing. Scarlett and I looked at each other, shrugged, and grinned, which is slowly becoming our reaction to anything that is abnormal.

Which, actually, is a lot of stuff that occurs around us. What happens when the abnormal becomes normal? Does the world implode?

The host soon re-emerged, large potted plant and grill lighter in hand. A small crowd of people followed him out into the backyard, where he placed it in a fire pit and began dousing it with lighter fluid.

(Now that I think about it, how many houses have a fire pit ready to go in their backyard? Something tells me that this was not the first thing to burn this year...)

"You guys might not want to breathe the smoke in," the designated driver disdainfully said, as the host lit the plant on fire.

And the plant burned, what can I say? Along with additional spurts of lighter fluid and the first few bars of "Disco Inferno" being sung, the plant and accompanying basket soon changed into mere embers.

After it was done, I voiced the question that lingered in my mind. "But... what did the plant do to deserve this fate?"

"It was fake!" The host replied emphatically. "It wasn't real! It was... an impostor!"

So while the rest of the party was pretty cool, it is the weeding out of the artificial house plant that is now forever seared into my brain, and that elevates the entire night to epicness.

Tales of an Epic Friday Night

Some nights are just more special than others for whatever reason. Like, the ones you want to tell stories about afterwards because they were just epic or strange or out of the usual modus operandi. Last night was one of those nights, and since I think that a third of my friends wouldn't care and another third would silently disapprove because I hang around prudes, and then the final third would wonder why I'm holding up mild occurrences to be epic. So I'm left to blog about them, to write down the stories for posterity's sake.

Well, the night begins with a hankering to watch Anchorman. My friend Miss Scarlett and I some time in the recent past had brought up the epic news anchor fight scene in conversation, and after a quick YouTube search showed nothing even remotely of good quality we decided that we needed to watch the whole movie at some point. Well, weeks had gone by and this need had slowly built up to an obsession, to a necessity for life, much like breathing or eating.

So Scarlett and I literally wandered around campus looking for a copy of the hallowed Anchorman DVD, driven by our all-consuming need to watch this epic movie of epicness. (Quite literally, actually, we went from my friend with Netflix streaming, to the library to peruse their DVD collection, and then finally to Scarlett's sorority house to get the DVD from her sister. Have I brought across the point that we were determined to watch this movie?)

Of course, if this were any other normal night, the story would end here, with us both going to bed at a decent hour after watching the movie. But, about halfway through the movie (Afternoon Delight scene, for anyone who cares), I get a text from The Enigma about a costume party.

Stay in warm room and watch epic movie, or throw on costume and freeze and go to a party with the guy I like? It was a tough choice, made tougher by the fact that my costume ought to have more than one minute of prep time. But the magical Universal Decision Maker told us to go, so go we did.

At this point, I would like to point out that part of this night is realizing how much of an awesome friend I have in Miss Scarlett. It's one of those things that you know, but you don't really know until you do stuff together. We made a promise to stick together in what we were doing last night, and we did. Honestly, I'm not sure how much fun I would have had if she wasn't there to experience it with me. Which is kind of odd because she's not a partier (hell, I'm not must of one either), but sharing this just made the night even more epic. This is one of those things that I'm having trouble putting into words, but I guess I could say that my esteem for her and our friendship rose about twenty notches last night.

Anyways, we go to a party with The Enigma, who had this other chick with him. Which isn't interesting in itself, but in one of those Seriously? moments of life, it was a chick who apparently lives down the street from Scarlett and who she was not on the greatest terms with. Because an epic night is not an epic night without a bit of drama on the side.

But, yeah, this is where memory shifts and some things are remembered in crystal clear HD, and other things are fuzzy like rabbit ears picking up a station just in reach. So I'm going to switch to bullet mode, mmkay?

- I love Halloween. I love being in costume, I love looking at other costumes. So this probably made what would have been an awkward I'm-just-going-to-stand-in-the-corner party into a pretty awesome conversation party. Pro-Tip: costumes are an excellent icebreaker.

- Some dude tried to tell me that the "C'mon Man!" segment was on Sunday nights instead of Monday nights before Monday Night Football. This pissed me off.

- Walking in a group of people ranging from moderately sober to drunk where only one person knows where you're supposed to be walking is both a hilarious and harrowing experience. It took twenty minutes to walk like four blocks that Scarlett and I walked in like five when we walked back. Needless to say, many sarcastic comments were being murmured to Scarlett as the procession occurred.

- I was bummed because the group we ended up being with left the fun party to wander across town to an overly crowded alcohol-less party. Those who know me know that I don't think alcohol is needed to have a good time - but truly some things can only be tolerated when you're drunk. Moshing in a basement with poor lighting and about 100 people more than sane capacity is one of those things.

- At one point the fun party got obnoxiously loud with people yelling across the room to one another over the booming music. This prompted the guys next to us to start shouting "LOUD NOISES" just like Brick in Anchorman. It made Scarlett and I's night, to be certain.

- Also, a dude dressed in a fireman stripper outfit started grinding on Scarlett, most likely because she was the most awkward one in the room. I couldn't stop laughing; her face was priceless. And, yeah, I just went all semicolon on your ass. What now, punk?

- I didn't get to dance with The Enigma, which was rather unfortunate. I'm not sure if he didn't spend much time with me while at these parties because Scarlett was there or if it was because the other chick was there or if I give off a general "don't touch me" vibe. Disappointing, but I wouldn't have ditched Scarlett for the world last night.

- Taking a shower this morning I found a huge patch of dried blood on the back of my heel. Apparently my flats had ripped open the back of the heel over the course of the night. I have no idea how I didn't feel/notice this.

- My costume, for reference, was/is Elizabeth Bennet: Zombie Killer. It's a thrilling effect to rip a fake knife out of your bun when you say the "Zombie Killer" part. Also an effective costume for weeding out the illiterate assholes.

And so, I think, ends the tale of my epic night, although I think I'm forgetting some interesting tidbits. For the record, Scarlett and I did finish watching Anchorman after we bailed from the overcrowded party. We watched the epic fight scene like three times. So it was Halloween parties sandwiched by Anchorman - a recipe for awesomeness unlike any other.

You stay classy, San Diego.

Stuff you need for college (Part 3)

It's that ever so fun time of year when a new crop of students is entering college. I remember that panicked excited anxiety that comes with getting ready for a new environment.

Specifically, looking around my room and going, "How the hell is this all going to fit into one car?"

But fear not, my little freshman. For here I am, the all-knowledgeable sophomore, prepared to give help you through your trying time.

For Part 1 of this series (Appliances) click here.
For Part 2 of this series (Clothes) click here.

Room Junk:
- Shelving - This could be a hutch above your desk or stand-alone cubes/shelves/bookcase. But get something - piling books on the floor gets cumbersome after a while.
- Lighting - Personally, I hate fluorescent lights and want to punch someone whenever I have to sit under them for very long. This made auxilary lighting in the dorm room a must have. Desk lights are extremely useful, and allow you to work late into the night Facebook easier when your roommate is sleeping. Also, rope lights and Christmas lights can provide useful light and make your room look awesome.
- Folding Chair - Very nice if you want to invite more than just your roommate into your room. If you get a camp chair, you can easily store it and not take up 50% of your floor space with it.
- Surge Protector/Power strip - Likely you won't have a lot of outlets in your room. And you don't want to lose all your notes halfway through the semester.
- Duct tape - You'll never know when you need it.



Linens & Things:
- Bedding - Sheets, Comforter, Blankies, Pillows, all that jazz. Try and bring more than one set so your lazy bum can take them off and not have to wash them right away.
- Towels - Again, more than one set. This way you'll also actually fill up a load of wash and not waste your quarters washing three towels.
- Bathrobe - You may not need this depending on your comfort and modest levels, but it can be nice when the weather's cold.
- Shower Shoes - You really don't want to touch that floor with your bare feet. Trust me.
- Shower Caddy - You also don't want to be dropping all of your soaps and stuff down the hall while you're wearing a towel.
- Toiletries - Do I really have to spell this out for you?
- Carpet - You don't want to be stepping on a cold tile floor in the morning.
- Silverware/Plates/Cups - You don't want to be eating off that floor, either.
- Laundry stuff - Quarters, Soap, Hamper, whatever
- Duct tape - Necessary for life.


Miscellaneous
- Cleaning supplies - I suggest something like Clorox wipes. Easy to handle, and cleans up a lot.
- Band-aids - I don't think the school will appreciate you bleeding all over the place.
- Hand sanitizer - Especially good for you germaphobes out there.
- Marker board - It's like Twitter for your hallway.
- External hard drive - Not just for computer nerds, but an excellent idea if you want to make sure your notes are safe.

Stuff you need for college (Part 2)

It's that ever so fun time of year when a new crop of students is entering college. I remember that panicked excited anxiety that comes with getting ready for a new environment.

Specifically, looking around my room and going, "How the hell is this all going to fit into one car?"

But fear not, my little freshman. For here I am, the all-knowledgeable sophomore, prepared to give help you through your trying time.

For Part 1 of this series (Appliances), click here.

Clothes:
I'm going to assume you're a relatively smart individual and that you already know that you can't live months at a time on one pair of underwear. Therefore, I'm not going to mention every single item of clothing that you ought to pack, but instead highlight the special items.

- Coats/Jackets - This is IMPERATIVE if you are going to a college in a cold-weather locale. One of the best investments of the past year was a heavy-duty down jacket that was wonderfully warm in the snowy, gale-force winds that was normal at my school. But even if you're in a warmer locale, a windbreaker or rain jacket is probably a good idea.
- Rain boots - This is more of a girls-only type item, but it is necessarily for rainy days when you have to walk across puddled soggy campus sidewalks. Even if you think they are the ugliest things in the world, you won't when you have to walk half a mile in half an inch of water. Not to mention, pretty much every other girl has them on campus, so you won't feel out of place wearing neon rainbow colors.
- Snow boots - Again, a cold weather item, but it's really nice to have traction when the staircases aren't shoveled yet. Also, it is not fun to have your feet soaking wet in 35 degree weather.
- Interview clothes - Yes, I know, entering the real world is probably the last thing you want to think about when you begin college. But if a job fair or other opportunity comes up, you want to be dressed to impress. Heck, you might even need to give a presentation in your class that requires business attire. It's a lot better to pack what you've already got then to have to take the bus to the mall the night before.
- Bathing suit - You never know when you might take a road trip to a lake/pool/beach. Plus, tanning in the quad is really lame without a bikini top. 
- Duct tape - I dunno, you could create your own clothing or something.


LEAVE AT HOME:
- Clothes you don't wear now - Seriously, if you haven't worn that soccer camp t-shirt in the last four years of high school, what makes you think you'll wear it when you're in college?

For Part 3 of this series, click here.

Stuff you need for college (Part 1)

It's that ever so fun time of year when a new crop of students is entering college. I remember that panicked excited anxiety that comes with getting ready for a new environment.

Specifically, looking around my room and going, "How the hell is this all going to fit into one car?"

But fear not, my little freshman. For here I am, the all-knowledgeable sophomore, prepared to give help you through your trying time.

First off, all colleges are different. Likely, even the dorms between colleges are different, so try and get familiar with the one you have been placed in. I, for example, have been blessed with an abnormal amount of cabinet space in my dorm room, enabling storage of many items that would otherwise have to be piled on top of each other in the center of the floor. The tradeoff for this fortuitous closet space is that my room is an odd-shaped skinny rectangle in which you can't loft both beds. Keep these quirks of your room in mind.

So, let's examine what you will need, starting with the big stuff.


Appliances

- Fridge - One with a freezer is nice so you don't have to run to the opposite side of the building for ice when your knuckle swells to the size of a ping pong ball after slamming it into the wall. (No, no, I don't speak from experience at all on this one). 
- TV - You don't necessarily need a TV, but it's a good thing if you want to watch your football team's away games in a place that's not the dorm lounge with obnoxious people shooting NERF darts at each other. You also don't need an uber-special flat panel. My 9" free CRT TV worked perfectly fine and allows space for more important things.
- Laptop - Remember to bring all your CDs and manuals and junk that came with the computer. Extremely useful if you're a moron who doesn't use firewall and gets a virus that makes you need to reformat your computer, or a non-moron who wants to upgrade your OS in the middle of the semester. (Guess which one I am! - Hint: it's the non-moron).
- Microwave - If you're not blessed with the best dining halls in the history of mankind like I am, you will likely get hungry. Also, they are good for making impromptu caramel apples.
- Fan - I live in a dorm where the temperature never went below 75 degrees. In the winter. Fans are necessary if you don't have air conditioning - I knew people who had stocked their room with five separate fans and still felt their room was hot. Of course, they might have been pansies, but that's another story entirely.
- Chargers - Yeah, I don't think your cell phone will last more than a week without this. 
- Alarm clock - Waking up and going to class is generally necessary for not getting on academic probation.
- Duct tape - A handy sort of thing to have.

LEAVE AT HOME:
- Vacuum - Now this likely sounds interesting and probably implies that I have no hygiene at all. Nevertheless, I have yet to find a dorm vacuum that functions as a proper vacuum. Most vacuums in dorms are mini versions that refuse to pick up anything but the slightest crumb (and even then, they mostly fail). In other words, you'll likely have the same amount of hair on your carpet at the end of the year if you bring one versus if you leave it at home. Unless you bring a full-sized, mega-power vacuum, and then, good luck fitting it some place in your room.

For part 2 of this series (Clothes) click here.