LH: That doesn't mean anything! You think fart jokes are funny!
*****
At a dining hall.
Me: Hey, what's up?
TB: Not much. Just getting a spoon for my pineapple.
Me: That's exciting.
TB: No, not really. But thanks for making me feel special.
*****
Me: I always have problems spelling "eighth".
DS: You just have to remember that the 't' and 'h' are like that awkward couple in every group of friends who can't stop making out - they're always together and behind the rest.
*****
DS: well i have your phone in my crotch so im the one thats gonna call the shots
*****
Me: You're just mindfucking me.
EE: You're right, I am mindfucking you. And I don't use protection. I'm planting a seed right in your mind.
*****
BL: Cottage cheese? What, nobody likes that! Oh yeah, let's get some cheese and mix it with water. Great idea.
Showing posts with label Welcome to My Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Welcome to My Life. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Welcome to My Life III
A series of typed notes between a friend and I during class.
DS: So tired.
Me: This class is so fucking boring.
DS: I thought for a second that said boning.
Me: That would be far more interesting than learning assembly.
*****
My friend DS insists that I'm mean and threatened to jump in a mud puddle to get back at me.
DS: Alright, where's the mud puddle?
Me: You wouldn't!
DS: Really? You've known me for how long?
Me: You'd really get me all dirty and disgusting?
DS: No, that's your boyfriend's job.
*****
My roommate and I complaining that we're hungry but don't want to eat anything.
LB: Do we have any of those Zatarain's rice box things?
Me: Dude, yeah. I will totally eat a pot of rice for dinner if you want to.
We then proceed to eat a pot of rice and cake frosting for dinner.
*****
CT: That would sound so much better in Swahili. Wait, that's a language, not a country. Nevermind.
*****
EL: I want Radiohead. Right now.
*****
LH: Do you get to touch animals and stuff?
DS: So tired.
Me: This class is so fucking boring.
DS: I thought for a second that said boning.
Me: That would be far more interesting than learning assembly.
*****
My friend DS insists that I'm mean and threatened to jump in a mud puddle to get back at me.
DS: Alright, where's the mud puddle?
Me: You wouldn't!
DS: Really? You've known me for how long?
Me: You'd really get me all dirty and disgusting?
DS: No, that's your boyfriend's job.
*****
My roommate and I complaining that we're hungry but don't want to eat anything.
LB: Do we have any of those Zatarain's rice box things?
Me: Dude, yeah. I will totally eat a pot of rice for dinner if you want to.
We then proceed to eat a pot of rice and cake frosting for dinner.
*****
CT: That would sound so much better in Swahili. Wait, that's a language, not a country. Nevermind.
*****
EL: I want Radiohead. Right now.
*****
LH: Do you get to touch animals and stuff?
Monday, January 23, 2012
Welcome to My Life II
At a sports meeting:
Me: Well, I guess we should talk about our abortion of a basketball team.
Silence from MA and DK. Laughter from DR.
MA: Uhh... Did you mean "abomination"?
Me: Nope. I meant abortion.
DK: Well, what kind of abortion is this? Clinical or back-alley?
*****
JL recently got a buzz-cut. The general reaction to this is that everyone he knows now wants to rub his hair.
JL walks into classroom, sits down. CS immediately rubs his head.
JL: Aah! What was that!
CS: Ugh, it's sweaty!
Me: Can't you see? Look at him, of course it's sweaty!
JL: Wait, so you mean if my hair's sweaty you won't touch it? I'll just have to be sweaty all the time then.
Me: That's disgusting! Who wants to be sweaty all the time?
JL: Well, maybe I'll just spray my head with water. That way you'll never know!
CS: Well, then I'll just get a towel! I'll create a machine that will perpetually rub your head and call it "JL's Head-Rubber!"
Me: "JL's Head-Rubber"? You might just want to rename that...
*****
At a meeting...
MM: So is there anything else to bring up?
JS: Oh, I have a little thing. Most of the room starts to giggle. Oh, well, maybe it's not that little. Louder giggles. Wait - oh I wasn't even talking about that! That's not small either.
*****
EE: I would eat a lot of things donated to Goodwill. Oranges? Not so much.
Me: Well, I guess we should talk about our abortion of a basketball team.
Silence from MA and DK. Laughter from DR.
MA: Uhh... Did you mean "abomination"?
Me: Nope. I meant abortion.
DK: Well, what kind of abortion is this? Clinical or back-alley?
*****
JL recently got a buzz-cut. The general reaction to this is that everyone he knows now wants to rub his hair.
JL walks into classroom, sits down. CS immediately rubs his head.
JL: Aah! What was that!
CS: Ugh, it's sweaty!
Me: Can't you see? Look at him, of course it's sweaty!
JL: Wait, so you mean if my hair's sweaty you won't touch it? I'll just have to be sweaty all the time then.
Me: That's disgusting! Who wants to be sweaty all the time?
JL: Well, maybe I'll just spray my head with water. That way you'll never know!
CS: Well, then I'll just get a towel! I'll create a machine that will perpetually rub your head and call it "JL's Head-Rubber!"
Me: "JL's Head-Rubber"? You might just want to rename that...
*****
At a meeting...
MM: So is there anything else to bring up?
JS: Oh, I have a little thing. Most of the room starts to giggle. Oh, well, maybe it's not that little. Louder giggles. Wait - oh I wasn't even talking about that! That's not small either.
*****
EE: I would eat a lot of things donated to Goodwill. Oranges? Not so much.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Welcome to My Life
This is a post I'd like to call "Welcome to My Life", which I hope will be a recurring type of post here. Pretty much it's just those random occurrences and conversations that make my life rather interesting, awkward, and unintentionally hilarious. Today's iteration is a little shorter than I'd like, but, for the record, two of these things happened in the past two days. My life is just that strange.
A conversation with my friend, who, for lack of a more creative and entertaining nickname, I'll refer to as "Mira". Honestly, though, the first thing that popped into my head was "M-Dawg", which probably tells you something about my brainwaves of late.
*EDIT* I'm actually going to call her "Miss Scarlett" or "Scarlett" for reasons that make some sense but that I don't feel like explaining.
Scarlett: Wait, is that the guy from last year? Why are you still Facebook friends with him?
Me: Because, if someone else is friends with him, the probability of them being a douchebag increases tenfold.
Scarlett: Ah. Clever.
/*--------------------------*/
You know someone's special when merely seeing them in a dining hall makes your heart race like you just had a close encounter with a rabid bobcat and your stomach starts doin' flips 'n shit.
Super O-Lube is one of the most unfortunate product names I've ever come across. It is also one of those things you shouldn't leave out in the open around college students if you want conversation to stay G rated.
/*--------------------------*/
A conversation with my friend, who, for lack of a more creative and entertaining nickname, I'll refer to as "Mira". Honestly, though, the first thing that popped into my head was "M-Dawg", which probably tells you something about my brainwaves of late.
*EDIT* I'm actually going to call her "Miss Scarlett" or "Scarlett" for reasons that make some sense but that I don't feel like explaining.
Scarlett: Wait, is that the guy from last year? Why are you still Facebook friends with him?
Me: Because, if someone else is friends with him, the probability of them being a douchebag increases tenfold.
Scarlett: Ah. Clever.
/*--------------------------*/
You know someone's special when merely seeing them in a dining hall makes your heart race like you just had a close encounter with a rabid bobcat and your stomach starts doin' flips 'n shit.
/*--------------------------*/
Super O-Lube is one of the most unfortunate product names I've ever come across. It is also one of those things you shouldn't leave out in the open around college students if you want conversation to stay G rated.
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