So it's been a while since I've posted while completely sleep deprived from staying up far too late and waking up far too early.
And of course there's boys involved. It seems that most parts of my life (knock on wood) are on pretty steady and at least somewhat predictable ground. So of course I'm going to focus on the part that's unsteady and unstable and probably ready for a giant mudslide. And, yes, I'm pretty much jumping up and down on this part of the ground, trying to see what will happen and desperately hoping that I don't get buried underneath it if it does give out.
Extended metaphors are awesome, by the way.
And, in what will surely come as a surprise to regular readers of this blog, what I'm vaguely referring to does not involve the Enigma. Yeah, I know, right? I'm pretty shocked myself in all honesty. Most of my friends have come to the conclusion that if something hasn't happened with a guy by now, it isn't going to happen. And, well, there's probably a lot of truth in that statement - I just don't want to believe it.
So he's still lingering in the recesses of my mind. But my issues with that are not pressing. No, there's a new guy, who I'll call Parker, who has emerged in a sudden whirlwind, and seems like he'll leave just as fast.
Yeah, how do you deal with someone who doesn't even live on the same side of the country as you and who's not going to be at school next semester? How do you decide what to do when the only thing possible is a long distance relationship after what would be a maximum of three weeks? And what do you do if you still maybe like someone else? What if your emotions are confusing and you're not even sure if they're right? Universal Decision Maker? Yeah, I don't think so.
Hell, I think I'm selling myself short, per usual. I think I'm focusing on things that don't matter, but I'm not entirely sure what does matter. I'm trying to ride the fence, but I'm finding it a rather uncomfortable ride - but I can't decide what side I want to get off on. Balls. I think I know what side I want to get on, but I'm not sure I'm going to land on my feet. But the other side isn't as appealing, and it's not looking that much more secure.
What do I normally do when I can't decide? I shrug and say whatever and wait for something else to happen. But I think I'm approaching the point in time where I'm really sick and tired of waiting so I'm just going to forge ahead blindly. The point in time where I go, "You know what, I just don't give a shit about what might happen. Let's find out what does happen, and just hope I'm prepared to deal with it." The point in time where I steel my resolve, flip the bird to the rest of the world, and do what I want to do.
I just have to find out what I want.
Showing posts with label The Enigma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Enigma. Show all posts
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tales of an Epic Friday Night
Some nights are just more special than others for whatever reason. Like, the ones you want to tell stories about afterwards because they were just epic or strange or out of the usual modus operandi. Last night was one of those nights, and since I think that a third of my friends wouldn't care and another third would silently disapprove because I hang around prudes, and then the final third would wonder why I'm holding up mild occurrences to be epic. So I'm left to blog about them, to write down the stories for posterity's sake.
Well, the night begins with a hankering to watch Anchorman. My friend Miss Scarlett and I some time in the recent past had brought up the epic news anchor fight scene in conversation, and after a quick YouTube search showed nothing even remotely of good quality we decided that we needed to watch the whole movie at some point. Well, weeks had gone by and this need had slowly built up to an obsession, to a necessity for life, much like breathing or eating.
So Scarlett and I literally wandered around campus looking for a copy of the hallowed Anchorman DVD, driven by our all-consuming need to watch this epic movie of epicness. (Quite literally, actually, we went from my friend with Netflix streaming, to the library to peruse their DVD collection, and then finally to Scarlett's sorority house to get the DVD from her sister. Have I brought across the point that we were determined to watch this movie?)
Of course, if this were any other normal night, the story would end here, with us both going to bed at a decent hour after watching the movie. But, about halfway through the movie (Afternoon Delight scene, for anyone who cares), I get a text from The Enigma about a costume party.
Stay in warm room and watch epic movie, or throw on costume and freeze and go to a party with the guy I like? It was a tough choice, made tougher by the fact that my costume ought to have more than one minute of prep time. But the magical Universal Decision Maker told us to go, so go we did.
At this point, I would like to point out that part of this night is realizing how much of an awesome friend I have in Miss Scarlett. It's one of those things that you know, but you don't really know until you do stuff together. We made a promise to stick together in what we were doing last night, and we did. Honestly, I'm not sure how much fun I would have had if she wasn't there to experience it with me. Which is kind of odd because she's not a partier (hell, I'm not must of one either), but sharing this just made the night even more epic. This is one of those things that I'm having trouble putting into words, but I guess I could say that my esteem for her and our friendship rose about twenty notches last night.
Anyways, we go to a party with The Enigma, who had this other chick with him. Which isn't interesting in itself, but in one of those Seriously? moments of life, it was a chick who apparently lives down the street from Scarlett and who she was not on the greatest terms with. Because an epic night is not an epic night without a bit of drama on the side.
But, yeah, this is where memory shifts and some things are remembered in crystal clear HD, and other things are fuzzy like rabbit ears picking up a station just in reach. So I'm going to switch to bullet mode, mmkay?
- I love Halloween. I love being in costume, I love looking at other costumes. So this probably made what would have been an awkward I'm-just-going-to-stand-in-the-corner party into a pretty awesome conversation party. Pro-Tip: costumes are an excellent icebreaker.
- Some dude tried to tell me that the "C'mon Man!" segment was on Sunday nights instead of Monday nights before Monday Night Football. This pissed me off.
- Walking in a group of people ranging from moderately sober to drunk where only one person knows where you're supposed to be walking is both a hilarious and harrowing experience. It took twenty minutes to walk like four blocks that Scarlett and I walked in like five when we walked back. Needless to say, many sarcastic comments were being murmured to Scarlett as the procession occurred.
- I was bummed because the group we ended up being with left the fun party to wander across town to an overly crowded alcohol-less party. Those who know me know that I don't think alcohol is needed to have a good time - but truly some things can only be tolerated when you're drunk. Moshing in a basement with poor lighting and about 100 people more than sane capacity is one of those things.
- At one point the fun party got obnoxiously loud with people yelling across the room to one another over the booming music. This prompted the guys next to us to start shouting "LOUD NOISES" just like Brick in Anchorman. It made Scarlett and I's night, to be certain.
- Also, a dude dressed in a fireman stripper outfit started grinding on Scarlett, most likely because she was the most awkward one in the room. I couldn't stop laughing; her face was priceless. And, yeah, I just went all semicolon on your ass. What now, punk?
- I didn't get to dance with The Enigma, which was rather unfortunate. I'm not sure if he didn't spend much time with me while at these parties because Scarlett was there or if it was because the other chick was there or if I give off a general "don't touch me" vibe. Disappointing, but I wouldn't have ditched Scarlett for the world last night.
- Taking a shower this morning I found a huge patch of dried blood on the back of my heel. Apparently my flats had ripped open the back of the heel over the course of the night. I have no idea how I didn't feel/notice this.
- My costume, for reference, was/is Elizabeth Bennet: Zombie Killer. It's a thrilling effect to rip a fake knife out of your bun when you say the "Zombie Killer" part. Also an effective costume for weeding out the illiterate assholes.
And so, I think, ends the tale of my epic night, although I think I'm forgetting some interesting tidbits. For the record, Scarlett and I did finish watching Anchorman after we bailed from the overcrowded party. We watched the epic fight scene like three times. So it was Halloween parties sandwiched by Anchorman - a recipe for awesomeness unlike any other.
You stay classy, San Diego.
Well, the night begins with a hankering to watch Anchorman. My friend Miss Scarlett and I some time in the recent past had brought up the epic news anchor fight scene in conversation, and after a quick YouTube search showed nothing even remotely of good quality we decided that we needed to watch the whole movie at some point. Well, weeks had gone by and this need had slowly built up to an obsession, to a necessity for life, much like breathing or eating.
So Scarlett and I literally wandered around campus looking for a copy of the hallowed Anchorman DVD, driven by our all-consuming need to watch this epic movie of epicness. (Quite literally, actually, we went from my friend with Netflix streaming, to the library to peruse their DVD collection, and then finally to Scarlett's sorority house to get the DVD from her sister. Have I brought across the point that we were determined to watch this movie?)
Of course, if this were any other normal night, the story would end here, with us both going to bed at a decent hour after watching the movie. But, about halfway through the movie (Afternoon Delight scene, for anyone who cares), I get a text from The Enigma about a costume party.
Stay in warm room and watch epic movie, or throw on costume and freeze and go to a party with the guy I like? It was a tough choice, made tougher by the fact that my costume ought to have more than one minute of prep time. But the magical Universal Decision Maker told us to go, so go we did.
At this point, I would like to point out that part of this night is realizing how much of an awesome friend I have in Miss Scarlett. It's one of those things that you know, but you don't really know until you do stuff together. We made a promise to stick together in what we were doing last night, and we did. Honestly, I'm not sure how much fun I would have had if she wasn't there to experience it with me. Which is kind of odd because she's not a partier (hell, I'm not must of one either), but sharing this just made the night even more epic. This is one of those things that I'm having trouble putting into words, but I guess I could say that my esteem for her and our friendship rose about twenty notches last night.
Anyways, we go to a party with The Enigma, who had this other chick with him. Which isn't interesting in itself, but in one of those Seriously? moments of life, it was a chick who apparently lives down the street from Scarlett and who she was not on the greatest terms with. Because an epic night is not an epic night without a bit of drama on the side.
But, yeah, this is where memory shifts and some things are remembered in crystal clear HD, and other things are fuzzy like rabbit ears picking up a station just in reach. So I'm going to switch to bullet mode, mmkay?
- I love Halloween. I love being in costume, I love looking at other costumes. So this probably made what would have been an awkward I'm-just-going-to-stand-in-the-corner party into a pretty awesome conversation party. Pro-Tip: costumes are an excellent icebreaker.
- Some dude tried to tell me that the "C'mon Man!" segment was on Sunday nights instead of Monday nights before Monday Night Football. This pissed me off.
- Walking in a group of people ranging from moderately sober to drunk where only one person knows where you're supposed to be walking is both a hilarious and harrowing experience. It took twenty minutes to walk like four blocks that Scarlett and I walked in like five when we walked back. Needless to say, many sarcastic comments were being murmured to Scarlett as the procession occurred.
- I was bummed because the group we ended up being with left the fun party to wander across town to an overly crowded alcohol-less party. Those who know me know that I don't think alcohol is needed to have a good time - but truly some things can only be tolerated when you're drunk. Moshing in a basement with poor lighting and about 100 people more than sane capacity is one of those things.
- At one point the fun party got obnoxiously loud with people yelling across the room to one another over the booming music. This prompted the guys next to us to start shouting "LOUD NOISES" just like Brick in Anchorman. It made Scarlett and I's night, to be certain.
- Also, a dude dressed in a fireman stripper outfit started grinding on Scarlett, most likely because she was the most awkward one in the room. I couldn't stop laughing; her face was priceless. And, yeah, I just went all semicolon on your ass. What now, punk?
- I didn't get to dance with The Enigma, which was rather unfortunate. I'm not sure if he didn't spend much time with me while at these parties because Scarlett was there or if it was because the other chick was there or if I give off a general "don't touch me" vibe. Disappointing, but I wouldn't have ditched Scarlett for the world last night.
- Taking a shower this morning I found a huge patch of dried blood on the back of my heel. Apparently my flats had ripped open the back of the heel over the course of the night. I have no idea how I didn't feel/notice this.
- My costume, for reference, was/is Elizabeth Bennet: Zombie Killer. It's a thrilling effect to rip a fake knife out of your bun when you say the "Zombie Killer" part. Also an effective costume for weeding out the illiterate assholes.
And so, I think, ends the tale of my epic night, although I think I'm forgetting some interesting tidbits. For the record, Scarlett and I did finish watching Anchorman after we bailed from the overcrowded party. We watched the epic fight scene like three times. So it was Halloween parties sandwiched by Anchorman - a recipe for awesomeness unlike any other.
You stay classy, San Diego.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Oh, whatever
First off, let me begin by saying that I must have some sort of neon sign hovering around me that says "Hello, I look like crap today. Please, guy I like, hang out with me for six hours." Yeah, no, really. Wearing generic t-shirt and baggy jeans, face looking like crap, hair probably looking disheveled - ugh.
Our conversations are deep, but I never leave them feeling any more certain about anything. In fact, it's almost certainly the opposite. I think he knows I like him, but I get the feeling he doesn't like me, or is in some sort of holding pattern. Or that he's interested, but not romantically...? Heck, I don't know.
And yes, I'm writing this pretty soon after he left because I feel like I need to commit my thoughts to electronic paper before they're muddled by sleep and dreams and other unrelated thoughts. Although, they're pretty muddled as it is - hello, 2:30am.
But I get these feelings for a number of reasons, all of which are too many to enumerate in this post - specifically because many of the reasons are either confusing, possibly misinterpreted, really too complicated to fully explain outside of my own mind, or a product of possible paranoia. I also like alliteration. We talked about alliteration. My life is pretty frickin' odd.
Probably a few days from now, I'll be second-guessing myself and my actions and what I said tonight (Oh, you should have said this, now he thinks you're a loser!) - it's a horrible talent of mine to overanalyze occurrences that cannot be changed. (Alliteration again! Man, I'm a pro in the wee hours). But now, all I can do is shrug and be confounded by life.
And sleep. I can do that too.
UPDATE 8:05am: Actually, apparently I can't sleep - working on like three hours of sleep because I decided to wake up at 6 and start thinking about him, Halloween, and how much work I have to get done. Yeah, I'm amazing.
Our conversations are deep, but I never leave them feeling any more certain about anything. In fact, it's almost certainly the opposite. I think he knows I like him, but I get the feeling he doesn't like me, or is in some sort of holding pattern. Or that he's interested, but not romantically...? Heck, I don't know.
And yes, I'm writing this pretty soon after he left because I feel like I need to commit my thoughts to electronic paper before they're muddled by sleep and dreams and other unrelated thoughts. Although, they're pretty muddled as it is - hello, 2:30am.
But I get these feelings for a number of reasons, all of which are too many to enumerate in this post - specifically because many of the reasons are either confusing, possibly misinterpreted, really too complicated to fully explain outside of my own mind, or a product of possible paranoia. I also like alliteration. We talked about alliteration. My life is pretty frickin' odd.
Probably a few days from now, I'll be second-guessing myself and my actions and what I said tonight (Oh, you should have said this, now he thinks you're a loser!) - it's a horrible talent of mine to overanalyze occurrences that cannot be changed. (Alliteration again! Man, I'm a pro in the wee hours). But now, all I can do is shrug and be confounded by life.
And sleep. I can do that too.
UPDATE 8:05am: Actually, apparently I can't sleep - working on like three hours of sleep because I decided to wake up at 6 and start thinking about him, Halloween, and how much work I have to get done. Yeah, I'm amazing.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Welcome to My Life
This is a post I'd like to call "Welcome to My Life", which I hope will be a recurring type of post here. Pretty much it's just those random occurrences and conversations that make my life rather interesting, awkward, and unintentionally hilarious. Today's iteration is a little shorter than I'd like, but, for the record, two of these things happened in the past two days. My life is just that strange.
A conversation with my friend, who, for lack of a more creative and entertaining nickname, I'll refer to as "Mira". Honestly, though, the first thing that popped into my head was "M-Dawg", which probably tells you something about my brainwaves of late.
*EDIT* I'm actually going to call her "Miss Scarlett" or "Scarlett" for reasons that make some sense but that I don't feel like explaining.
Scarlett: Wait, is that the guy from last year? Why are you still Facebook friends with him?
Me: Because, if someone else is friends with him, the probability of them being a douchebag increases tenfold.
Scarlett: Ah. Clever.
/*--------------------------*/
You know someone's special when merely seeing them in a dining hall makes your heart race like you just had a close encounter with a rabid bobcat and your stomach starts doin' flips 'n shit.
Super O-Lube is one of the most unfortunate product names I've ever come across. It is also one of those things you shouldn't leave out in the open around college students if you want conversation to stay G rated.
/*--------------------------*/
A conversation with my friend, who, for lack of a more creative and entertaining nickname, I'll refer to as "Mira". Honestly, though, the first thing that popped into my head was "M-Dawg", which probably tells you something about my brainwaves of late.
*EDIT* I'm actually going to call her "Miss Scarlett" or "Scarlett" for reasons that make some sense but that I don't feel like explaining.
Scarlett: Wait, is that the guy from last year? Why are you still Facebook friends with him?
Me: Because, if someone else is friends with him, the probability of them being a douchebag increases tenfold.
Scarlett: Ah. Clever.
/*--------------------------*/
You know someone's special when merely seeing them in a dining hall makes your heart race like you just had a close encounter with a rabid bobcat and your stomach starts doin' flips 'n shit.
/*--------------------------*/
Super O-Lube is one of the most unfortunate product names I've ever come across. It is also one of those things you shouldn't leave out in the open around college students if you want conversation to stay G rated.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Facebook non-chat is torture
Do you ever feel like screaming at someone "Hey, moron! Chat me on Facebook! I like talking to you and seeing your little profile pic in my sidebar with your green little "I'm online!" circle is absolute torture. Because, I can't chat you because I don't want to be clingy and chat you all the time. So chat me because I really want to talk to you more!"
Yeah, I haven't actually screamed that at someone. Just at my laptop screen. It's not accomplishing anything, believe it or not.
Yeah, I haven't actually screamed that at someone. Just at my laptop screen. It's not accomplishing anything, believe it or not.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I don't know. And that's okay.
Also, if there's one thing about life that I'm beginning to understand, it's that understanding is unlikely and highly overrated...
That was me tweeting last night after I came in from wandering around the campus for 3 hours with the guy I like. Not doing anything in particular, literally walking around and talking about whatever came to mind.
Still don't understand him (I think, for future reference on this blog, I'll refer to him as "The Enigma"), still don't entirely know his motives. I mean, seriously, what guy hangs out one-on-one with a girl for hours at a time and doesn't want something more than friendship? But it doesn't seem like he's looking for that now.
And, the odd thing is, I think I'm perfectly okay with that. This past week I've realized that I've never been this confident, this self-assured, in my entire life. This week was a job fair and then an interview, two things that last year probably would have gotten me completely anxious and nervous and filled me with self-doubt. Not this year. I mean, I was slightly nervous for the interview, but it wasn't the crippling nerves that make me stutter, seem like a moron, and feel physically sick.
Am I just maturing? Or is my worldly outlook more positive and less scary? That I don't know, but I like this. I feel like myself.
So, anyway, back to boys. The other reason I probably feel 'okay' that mixed signals are abounding with The Enigma is that... well, apparently someone else is interested.
Well, okay, that's giving myself not a lot of credit. I feel okay about the mixed signals because of my aforementioned chillaxed attitude. The event of someone else liking me does have an effect, but even without that I would feel the same.
Anyways, apparently this guy is completely different around me than around anyone else. Like, around most others he's reserved, introverted, kind of quiet, shy. Around me he breaks into Lady Gaga and skips down the sidewalk. And, apparently this is enough of a marked change in his personality that others have realized... that it only happens around me.
Obviously, this hit me like a sack of potatoes. I mean, how am I to know that someone is different around me when whenever I see them, they're around me? (Wrap your minds around that one, haha).
But, I will admit, that I'd be open to getting to know him better. Yes, I like The Enigma more, but I've been wanted a boyfriend for a rather long time now, and I don't feel like I'm in the position to necessarily refuse a date with a nice guy who I get along with.
And, well, The Enigma could just be another guy friend that I collected. I said last post that I'm sick of collecting guy friends like Pokemon cards, but maybe I should stop looking at that as a negative and instead see it as a positive - I can get a lot of guys to trust me, and perhaps that is better in the long run anyway. He does open up to me more than other people it seems (from what I've heard), but obviously it's not fully if I chose his nickname to be "The Enigma".
Damn you mixed signals!
So, yeah, I guess I'm just taking it as it comes. Still plotting the next move like a maniac, but I think it's a calmer plotting, more willing to let details come out than previous iterations.
And, yes, I just used the term iteration in reference to myself. Aren't computer engineers awesome?
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