Talking in circles, per usual

So it's been a while since I've posted while completely sleep deprived from staying up far too late and waking up far too early.

And of course there's boys involved. It seems that most parts of my life (knock on wood) are on pretty steady and at least somewhat predictable ground. So of course I'm going to focus on the part that's unsteady and unstable and probably ready for a giant mudslide. And, yes, I'm pretty much jumping up and down on this part of the ground, trying to see what will happen and desperately hoping that I don't get buried underneath it if it does give out.

Extended metaphors are awesome, by the way.

And, in what will surely come as a surprise to regular readers of this blog, what I'm vaguely referring to does not involve the Enigma. Yeah, I know, right? I'm pretty shocked myself in all honesty. Most of my friends have come to the conclusion that if something hasn't happened with a guy by now, it isn't going to happen. And, well, there's probably a lot of truth in that statement - I just don't want to believe it.

So he's still lingering in the recesses of my mind. But my issues with that are not pressing. No, there's a new guy, who I'll call Parker, who has emerged in a sudden whirlwind, and seems like he'll leave just as fast.

Yeah, how do you deal with someone who doesn't even live on the same side of the country as you and who's not going to be at school next semester? How do you decide what to do when the only thing possible is a long distance relationship after what would be a maximum of three weeks? And what do you do if you still maybe like someone else? What if your emotions are confusing and you're not even sure if they're right? Universal Decision Maker? Yeah, I don't think so.

Hell, I think I'm selling myself short, per usual. I think I'm focusing on things that don't matter, but I'm not entirely sure what does matter. I'm trying to ride the fence, but I'm finding it a rather uncomfortable ride - but I can't decide what side I want to get off on. Balls. I think I know what side I want to get on, but I'm not sure I'm going to land on my feet. But the other side isn't as appealing, and it's not looking that much more secure.

What do I normally do when I can't decide? I shrug and say whatever and wait for something else to happen. But I think I'm approaching the point in time where I'm really sick and tired of waiting so I'm just going to forge ahead blindly. The point in time where I go, "You know what, I just don't give a shit about what might happen. Let's find out what does happen, and just hope I'm prepared to deal with it." The point in time where I steel my resolve, flip the bird to the rest of the world, and do what I want to do.

I just have to find out what I want.