Oh boy

I would first like to preface this post by saying that my mind hates me. Yep, got back at 4:30am last night (this morning?), up at 9:30am. It's not like I'm not tired. And the really sad thing is that what woke me up, of all things, was thinking about C++ coding. Somehow my half-asleep conscious decided it would be a good time to contemplate how to deallocate memory. Meanwhile, the other half of my brain is yelling Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup because, y'know, I do waaaaaaayyyyy better with more than five hours of sleep. So, hearing the other half of my brain, the first half decides to drop the coding topic and instead begin to think about boys. Which, of course, means that I'll never be able to go back to sleep, due to the numerous thoughts now rolling around my head.

So, yeah, boys. Or more specifically, boy. Where the heck do I begin?

Well, okay, I guess I'll just jump right into it. There's this dude and I totally like him, but I'm getting mixed signals. Mixed signals meaning that what he's saying doesn't necessarily give me a warm and fuzzy about him being interested, but he keeps hanging out with me for extended periods of time. I'm talking like six hours at a time, not just 20 minutes of an extended edition DVD. And the more time I'm spending with him, the more I totally absolutely have a crush on him and like him.

The weird, awkward part (because, of course, my life must at all times have an awkward component) is that we talk about relationships and stuff and he totally asked if I had anyone I was interested in and I said yes but I wouldn't tell him who because you can't just come out and tell the person that you like that you like them whenever you're getting mixed signals from them. But it's like, pleasepleasepleaseplease don't think I'm not on the market because I totally am and I totally want to go out with you!

And that's the thing, he keeps talking about how I should go out and party and meet people, and I'm always like "Okay, then, take me to a party", but in all honesty at this moment I don't want to meet other guys because I just want to spend time with him. But if the only time I'll get to spend time with him is at a party... holy crap Catch-22.

I have absolutely no idea what to do, other than just take it as it comes, which considering my normal psychotic impatient state I think I'm actually playing this one pretty well. And, of course, try to maximize time spent together with him and hope that he doesn't decide that I'm a hyperactive clingy loser. Which, I would like to state for the record, I don't think I'm a loser or necessarily clingy, but that's the impression some people can get.

And, really, I should focus on the positives, which is that he wants to hang out with me and really the worst that can happen is that I gain another guy friend. Although I'm kind of getting sick of collecting guy friends like Pokemon cards, but it's better than making enemies.

So who knows? I don't. But it's all good because there are a lot worse things that could be going on. And this last part of this post might sound like a mini pep talk, and it kind of is, but it's more like truths that just have to be reiterated once in a while. Which I guess is a definition of "pep talk". This is the kind of excellent writing that comes out when I have five hours of sleep under my belt.

Today is going to be awesome.