I don't know. And that's okay.

Also, if there's one thing about life that I'm beginning to understand, it's that understanding is unlikely and highly overrated...

That was me tweeting last night after I came in from wandering around the campus for 3 hours with the guy I like. Not doing anything in particular, literally walking around and talking about whatever came to mind.

Still don't understand him (I think, for future reference on this blog, I'll refer to him as "The Enigma"), still don't entirely know his motives. I mean, seriously, what guy hangs out one-on-one with a girl for hours at a time and doesn't want something more than friendship? But it doesn't seem like he's looking for that now.

And, the odd thing is, I think I'm perfectly okay with that. This past week I've realized that I've never been this confident, this self-assured, in my entire life. This week was a job fair and then an interview, two things that last year probably would have gotten me completely anxious and nervous and filled me with self-doubt. Not this year. I mean, I was slightly nervous for the interview, but it wasn't the crippling nerves that make me stutter, seem like a moron, and feel physically sick.

Am I just maturing? Or is my worldly outlook more positive and less scary? That I don't know, but I like this. I feel like myself.

So, anyway, back to boys. The other reason I probably feel 'okay' that mixed signals are abounding with The Enigma is that... well, apparently someone else is interested.

Well, okay, that's giving myself not a lot of credit. I feel okay about the mixed signals because of my aforementioned chillaxed attitude. The event of someone else liking me does have an effect, but even without that I would feel the same.

Anyways, apparently this guy is completely different around me than around anyone else. Like, around most others he's reserved, introverted, kind of quiet, shy. Around me he breaks into Lady Gaga and skips down the sidewalk. And, apparently this is enough of a marked change in his personality that others have realized... that it only happens around me.

Obviously, this hit me like a sack of potatoes. I mean, how am I to know that someone is different around me when whenever I see them, they're around me? (Wrap your minds around that one, haha).

But, I will admit, that I'd be open to getting to know him better. Yes, I like The Enigma more, but I've been wanted a boyfriend for a rather long time now, and I don't feel like I'm in the position to necessarily refuse a date with a nice guy who I get along with.

And, well, The Enigma could just be another guy friend that I collected. I said last post that I'm sick of collecting guy friends like Pokemon cards, but maybe I should stop looking at that as a negative and instead see it as a positive - I can get a lot of guys to trust me, and perhaps that is better in the long run anyway. He does open up to me more than other people it seems (from what I've heard), but obviously it's not fully if I chose his nickname to be "The Enigma".

Damn you mixed signals!

So, yeah, I guess I'm just taking it as it comes. Still plotting the next move like a maniac, but I think it's a calmer plotting, more willing to let details come out than previous iterations.

And, yes, I just used the term iteration in reference to myself. Aren't computer engineers awesome?