Yellow

Okay, to preface this post, I'm just going to assume that you know what a "stoplight party" is. If not, click on that there link and acquaint yourself. It's okay that you don't know. Trust me, I nod, laugh awkwardly, and then go home and look up terms in the Urban Dictionary all the time. It's actually become a good skill of mine, pretending to know what all the cool kids are talking about.

But, to continue, I believe I've found the definition of yellow. Yep, I'm in relationship limbo, emotionally committed enough that I don't consider myself "single", but not actually in a relationship.

Let's get over the good news first - Yes, I'm as shocked as you are - no mixed signals! Yes, it has been stated that there is a mutual "like" in our relationship. If you feel like this is a middle school way of describing things, get over yourself. Man, I haven't had no ambiguity in that in a very, very long time. It feels good.

But the flip side to that is that there's not really any commitment behind that. The rational side of me is saying that it's a good thing, considering the time and distance separating us - for who knows who we could miss out on if we were pining over the other. The irrational side is already looking at plane fare.

Add into this the fact that, well, we didn't really do anything physically when we were together, and I am sitting right in the middle of yellow country. Not green. Not red. Yellow.

I suppose I should consider it a good thing that I'm looking forward and not backwards. I have been known in the past to dissect every little action or occurrence and wonder how things could have gone better (in fact, I think I've done it on this blog...). I'm not really doing that now, only planning ahead, looking to the future. Is that something that's specific to this relationship, or have I matured beyond that?

Ugh. I wish there was someone I could get advice from. Except, everyone that I would ask I already know their answers, and I don't think I really want to listen, for they all would align with my rational side.

I want someone to tell me to follow my heart, but I also need to hear a guarantee that it will all work out for the better if I do. Without the guarantee... well, I guess I'm stuck in this yellow limbo for a little while longer.

This post probably doesn't make sense. I'm not apologizing.